Jeremiah 29:11 - "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
Now that the dust has settled and I have calmed down a good bit, it's time to be mature about this situation....
The fact is, the last couple of days have been pretty rough for me.. I miss having her around, and although, I know what she did was wrong, I'm still starting to regret some things I did while in the 'titless relationship.' Like my worrying.
She did some things that made me relate back to an old ex of mine that treated me like dirt and eventually cheated on me. Like she lied to me sometimes about the smallest things... like she'd tell me one day she told her mom something and the next day when I asked about it, her mom had never heard it. My thought process on that is, "Ok, if she's gonna lie about something THAT insignificant, what else is she gonna lie about?" Also, she completely changed personalities once I met her. When I got introduced to her, she acted like she was this party girl who wanted to have fun (she had a boyfriend at the time), but once we started hanging out, she was someone different. So I have to ask myself which one is really her?
Honestly, this whole 'no title' thing just scared the mess out of me too. I talked to another Hoover girl named Jackie a while back, and she didn't want the title either but still wanted to hangout. So we gave it a try.. A month and a half later I find out she's talking to two other guys from Spain Park, and when I confront her about it, she says "Well we aren't technically dating."
...The fact is, though, ALL of the above were most likely things that I over-analyzed. Simple situations that my mind took and twisted them. It got to the point where it ended up chasing someone I really cared about away.
I'm not a 'friggy-diggy' kind of dude, no matter how hard I want and try to be. I am probably the most analytical person you will ever meet in your life, and frankly, that's been my achilles's heel so far in school, sports, and now relationships. I promised her I would change before she broke it off, but I need to keep that promise. Except now I need to keep it for myself. No body wants someone around that over-analyzes everything, so it's time to just let go of my life and give all the control to God.
-GP
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Everything Happens for a Reason
Thomas Fuller - "The day gets darkest just before dawn."
2012 has already brought some new changes to my life...
The girl I'm talking to decided it was best to break it off with me. I can't say I wasn't expecting it to happen, but was hoping there would be some way around it.
It all started a couple of days before Christmas. We had gone to her place like always to exchange gifts, but something didn't seem right..... we did everything we normally did, but it seemed like after a while she just didn't want me there anymore. So the next days follow.... even though her mom says I should come visit, she tells me that her parents won't let her have people over; she just so happens to develope a sickness that won't allow her to see people even though I know she's hanging out with her friends; and new years she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. All while she's telling me she misses me and really wants to hangout.....
I can't control the way people feel about me. I realize that. But what I will NOT take is people being dishonest and lying to me. So it doesn't necessarily bother me that she decided to end it, but that she handled the situation like a coward. There is no excuse for that. It became apparent she wanted to party and hangout with her friends so in a sense I already knew it was coming anyway.
Of course i still have feelings for her. She is an AWESOME woman, and I had a great time getting to know her and her family. But this has happened before, and if it ends the same way it did last time, I need to think twice before pursuing her again.
-GP
2012 has already brought some new changes to my life...
The girl I'm talking to decided it was best to break it off with me. I can't say I wasn't expecting it to happen, but was hoping there would be some way around it.
It all started a couple of days before Christmas. We had gone to her place like always to exchange gifts, but something didn't seem right..... we did everything we normally did, but it seemed like after a while she just didn't want me there anymore. So the next days follow.... even though her mom says I should come visit, she tells me that her parents won't let her have people over; she just so happens to develope a sickness that won't allow her to see people even though I know she's hanging out with her friends; and new years she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. All while she's telling me she misses me and really wants to hangout.....
I can't control the way people feel about me. I realize that. But what I will NOT take is people being dishonest and lying to me. So it doesn't necessarily bother me that she decided to end it, but that she handled the situation like a coward. There is no excuse for that. It became apparent she wanted to party and hangout with her friends so in a sense I already knew it was coming anyway.
Of course i still have feelings for her. She is an AWESOME woman, and I had a great time getting to know her and her family. But this has happened before, and if it ends the same way it did last time, I need to think twice before pursuing her again.
-GP
Saturday, December 31, 2011
NEW YEARS!
Benjamin Franklin - "Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man."
New year.... brand new start.
2011-
There were so many great things that happened in my life... Was blessed enough to follow my dreams of playing college football and college golf; developed some great friendships; found out who I really was during hard times; met someone amazing; volunteered service hours; helped lead YMCA campers closer to God; brought myself closer to God; became mentally and physically stronger; increased my GPA significantly; and remained the same person I wanted to be.
2012- New Year's Resolutions:
1.) Trust my friends and family more.......... I have a horrible habbit of not trusting the people dearest to me; I need to let go of all the fear and uncertainty, give it all to God, and live life worry-free.
2.) I need to always get stronger in my faith.......... There is always room for improvement.
3.) Get in GOOD shape......... I have never really been embarrassed by the way I look, but I have never been fully satisfied either. Already started my workout routine, diet, and supplement routine so this is the year to turn it up.
4.) Develope better study habbits............ If I'm going to transfer to a 4-year university, I can't afford to stay static with my habbits.
5.) Start playing the guitar and piano again.......... I use this blog as something to channel my feelings into because it helps calm me down. Music is something that calms me down as well, and I miss being good at the guitar and piano.
6.) Be slow to anger............. I need help to remain calm in tough situations. Most of the things that anger me just aren't worth getting angry over.
7.) Branch out and meet new people............... self explanitory
8.) Develope a morning running routine............. If I'm going to stay in shape for the rest of my life, I need to start running daily.
9.) HAVE FUN WITH LIFE
-GP
New year.... brand new start.
2011-
There were so many great things that happened in my life... Was blessed enough to follow my dreams of playing college football and college golf; developed some great friendships; found out who I really was during hard times; met someone amazing; volunteered service hours; helped lead YMCA campers closer to God; brought myself closer to God; became mentally and physically stronger; increased my GPA significantly; and remained the same person I wanted to be.
2012- New Year's Resolutions:
1.) Trust my friends and family more.......... I have a horrible habbit of not trusting the people dearest to me; I need to let go of all the fear and uncertainty, give it all to God, and live life worry-free.
2.) I need to always get stronger in my faith.......... There is always room for improvement.
3.) Get in GOOD shape......... I have never really been embarrassed by the way I look, but I have never been fully satisfied either. Already started my workout routine, diet, and supplement routine so this is the year to turn it up.
4.) Develope better study habbits............ If I'm going to transfer to a 4-year university, I can't afford to stay static with my habbits.
5.) Start playing the guitar and piano again.......... I use this blog as something to channel my feelings into because it helps calm me down. Music is something that calms me down as well, and I miss being good at the guitar and piano.
6.) Be slow to anger............. I need help to remain calm in tough situations. Most of the things that anger me just aren't worth getting angry over.
7.) Branch out and meet new people............... self explanitory
8.) Develope a morning running routine............. If I'm going to stay in shape for the rest of my life, I need to start running daily.
9.) HAVE FUN WITH LIFE
-GP
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Feliz Navidad!
Eric Sevareid - "Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something besides ourselves."
CHRISTMAS WAS AWESOME......and I'm not even talking about the gifts.
The whole family came home for Christmas as usual and the good times started....
BELL RINGER:
I had to have 12 hours of volunteer service to pass my business class this semester, and it was down to the last weekend. We called the Salvation Army haha and they said I could be a bell ringer. At first I was so pumped, but when I got to the mall (Galleria in front of Belk), I'll admit I was embarrassed out of my mind. Something about ringing a little bell, asking for money doesn't really excite me in a great way, but I'm happy I did it (even though I've never seen so many people trying to ignore me before haha)!
DECEMBER 22ND:
Found out suddenly that I needed a gift for the girl I'm talking to (girlfriend? yeah, haha whatever), so I search Francesca's and find something, but did not see anything good... so then headed to Private Gallery and after an hour of indecisiveness (real word?) and one of the girls there helping me, I found something legit! So now it's off to the Hoover chick's house to exchange gifts! The gifts were cool, but I was just happy to chill with her....we haven't since (not sure why) but hopefully we will soon; no reason to stress about it.
DECEMBER 24TH:
Christmas eve service with family and friends....WAS AWESOME.
CHRISTMAS DAY:
WAS AWESOME. It was one of the first Christmas's in years that my family had been financially stable, so we all were able to go hard on the gifts we got for each other this year... I hate to be cheesy, but it really felt great.
DECEMBER 26TH - 28TH:
The fam dipped over to my mom's hometown of Tunica, Mississippi to visit the fam and so the guys could go hunting! We were full of anticipation about hunting, but WE. SAW. NOTHING. Ever since the tornados last April, the deer population on our land have been extremely low because the Mississippi River flooded, but give it 3 or so years and things will be back to normal!
-GP
CHRISTMAS WAS AWESOME......and I'm not even talking about the gifts.
The whole family came home for Christmas as usual and the good times started....
BELL RINGER:
I had to have 12 hours of volunteer service to pass my business class this semester, and it was down to the last weekend. We called the Salvation Army haha and they said I could be a bell ringer. At first I was so pumped, but when I got to the mall (Galleria in front of Belk), I'll admit I was embarrassed out of my mind. Something about ringing a little bell, asking for money doesn't really excite me in a great way, but I'm happy I did it (even though I've never seen so many people trying to ignore me before haha)!
DECEMBER 22ND:
Found out suddenly that I needed a gift for the girl I'm talking to (girlfriend? yeah, haha whatever), so I search Francesca's and find something, but did not see anything good... so then headed to Private Gallery and after an hour of indecisiveness (real word?) and one of the girls there helping me, I found something legit! So now it's off to the Hoover chick's house to exchange gifts! The gifts were cool, but I was just happy to chill with her....we haven't since (not sure why) but hopefully we will soon; no reason to stress about it.
DECEMBER 24TH:
Christmas eve service with family and friends....WAS AWESOME.
CHRISTMAS DAY:
WAS AWESOME. It was one of the first Christmas's in years that my family had been financially stable, so we all were able to go hard on the gifts we got for each other this year... I hate to be cheesy, but it really felt great.
DECEMBER 26TH - 28TH:
The fam dipped over to my mom's hometown of Tunica, Mississippi to visit the fam and so the guys could go hunting! We were full of anticipation about hunting, but WE. SAW. NOTHING. Ever since the tornados last April, the deer population on our land have been extremely low because the Mississippi River flooded, but give it 3 or so years and things will be back to normal!
-GP
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Struggles
Anonymous - "Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets."
This is going to be a short and sweet post so get ready..
I have been focusing WAY too much on strengthening my body instead of my mind and my faith. My body has gotten stronger, but with that has come a lot of anger and a lot of stress. I have been getting SO upset at the smallest things...... golf, family, friends...... It's horrible and it's not who I want to be.
Aside from my recent anger problems my faith is in trouble. I have not prayed outside of church in what feels like forever, I do not touch my Bible anymore, and at times I feel so lazy with my faith.
The solution I see is to involve myself in a better group of friends, become more involved in church and prayer (I have been slacking a ton on the latter), get a good night's sleep every night, try to stay calm, and just have fun again.
-GP
This is going to be a short and sweet post so get ready..
I have been focusing WAY too much on strengthening my body instead of my mind and my faith. My body has gotten stronger, but with that has come a lot of anger and a lot of stress. I have been getting SO upset at the smallest things...... golf, family, friends...... It's horrible and it's not who I want to be.
Aside from my recent anger problems my faith is in trouble. I have not prayed outside of church in what feels like forever, I do not touch my Bible anymore, and at times I feel so lazy with my faith.
The solution I see is to involve myself in a better group of friends, become more involved in church and prayer (I have been slacking a ton on the latter), get a good night's sleep every night, try to stay calm, and just have fun again.
-GP
Monday, October 31, 2011
NovOctEmber
George Eliot - "Delicious autumn! My soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird, I would fly about the earth seeking successive autumns."
Now that October is over with, I turn my focus to what November brings.
One last note.... autumn is my. favorite. season. I LOVE it. There is nothing more peaceful or beautiful than driving on a overcast, cold, and windy autumn day with the orange, yellow, and red trees off in the distance. Nature is God's canvas, and there is nothing that complements God's creation like autumn. I hope I have many years left to experience its beauty.
I love this time of the year..
Tonight was Halloween. YESSSSSSSS! I had so many ideas on what to dress up as, but I ended up going with the retro basketball player look (high tops, high tube socks, SHORT shorts, jersey, afro, head and wrist bands)........ I do not regret it.
Now that October is over with, I turn my focus to what November brings.
1) I am one of the biggest nerds anyone will ever meet..... so this explains why I'm PUMPED about the new Call of Duty coming out on the 8th! This is a big deal because I went to the midnight releasing of the game last year at South, and there were almost 400 people in line.... like half of them were dressed in Army uniforms haha it was amazing. So guess what? Homeboy's going again this year!
2) Again I'll admit I am one of the biggest nerds anyone will ever meet..... aka why I'm dressing up as Edward Cullen when I go see the Breaking Dawn premier on the 18th!
One last note.... autumn is my. favorite. season. I LOVE it. There is nothing more peaceful or beautiful than driving on a overcast, cold, and windy autumn day with the orange, yellow, and red trees off in the distance. Nature is God's canvas, and there is nothing that complements God's creation like autumn. I hope I have many years left to experience its beauty.
-GP
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Acts of Indecision
Simone de Beauvoir - "Change your life today. Don't gamble on the future, act now, without delay."
The past few months have been pprrrreeettttyyyyy confusing for me..
Soooo the thing with me and the Hoover girl (last post) had been going off and on for a while. I found that some weekends she'd appear tired of me, and other weekends I'd seem tired of her....so I just haven't been sure on what to do. It's apparent we've both thought about dating, but that might not be in the best view for us. I start talking to her for a little bit and my feelings start swaying in a different direction..
I obviously still have feelings for the Hoover girl, but I can see myself in a better situation talking with the other girl... and of course there's always been something deep down that's liked this girl as well. So we started talking for a little while, and it was great for a couple of days... but I still don't know. I'm not a believer that God will point out who he wants you to date or talk to, but that He will provide you the opportunity or situation. So right now, it's on me and I need to decide who I want to pursue....
_________________
The other indecision in my life is this golf thing. Yeah, I was thinking about the possibility of enrolling at Mississippi State University to basically major in golf, it would be coool, but I don't think that's what I want to do...
I love golf obviously... but some days I just get so tired of it. I want it to always be something I can escape to in a rough tim in my life. I just don't want to invest in a career in something I love, only to get sick of doing it down the road.
And then there's Auburn...
Ever since I was little I've ALWAYS wanted to go to Auburn. I love the campus, how classy the students are (in comparison to Bama especially), all of my friends go there, AU athletics.... I just love Auburn. I've prayed about it before, and I'm still not sure what to do. My career choice might be at Mississippi State, but my happiness points towards going to Auburn.
I of course don't have to make any decision soon, but time is running out...
-GP
The past few months have been pprrrreeettttyyyyy confusing for me..
Soooo the thing with me and the Hoover girl (last post) had been going off and on for a while. I found that some weekends she'd appear tired of me, and other weekends I'd seem tired of her....so I just haven't been sure on what to do. It's apparent we've both thought about dating, but that might not be in the best view for us. I start talking to her for a little bit and my feelings start swaying in a different direction..
I obviously still have feelings for the Hoover girl, but I can see myself in a better situation talking with the other girl... and of course there's always been something deep down that's liked this girl as well. So we started talking for a little while, and it was great for a couple of days... but I still don't know. I'm not a believer that God will point out who he wants you to date or talk to, but that He will provide you the opportunity or situation. So right now, it's on me and I need to decide who I want to pursue....
_________________
The other indecision in my life is this golf thing. Yeah, I was thinking about the possibility of enrolling at Mississippi State University to basically major in golf, it would be coool, but I don't think that's what I want to do...
I love golf obviously... but some days I just get so tired of it. I want it to always be something I can escape to in a rough tim in my life. I just don't want to invest in a career in something I love, only to get sick of doing it down the road.
And then there's Auburn...
Ever since I was little I've ALWAYS wanted to go to Auburn. I love the campus, how classy the students are (in comparison to Bama especially), all of my friends go there, AU athletics.... I just love Auburn. I've prayed about it before, and I'm still not sure what to do. My career choice might be at Mississippi State, but my happiness points towards going to Auburn.
I of course don't have to make any decision soon, but time is running out...
-GP
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