Skillet - "Today, I'm gonna try a little harder,
Gonna make every minute last longer,
Gotta learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gotta make the most of it."
Life has been pretty amazing lately, but today it was constantly bearing down on me. Stress with school, stress with golf, stress with relationships, and now a boat load of worry about certain people...
My golf game has gone to the crapper.... I have just been getting SO consumed with being perfect that I've lost almost all love for the game I used to be obessed with. IT'S JUST GOLF FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE. There's no reason to be getting so upset at myself.... life could be a hell of a lot worse, and I'm complaining about not performing well in a SPORT. I've never felt so selfish before in my life.
Recently found out that someone I really care about (no names or hints, sorry) has veered down the wrong path. She's convinced drinking is going to solve all of her stress and issues in life, and I'm worried for her. She's a good person deep down, but it's apparent her 'friends' have influenced her into developing a lifestyle that just isn't healthy. Although, we've had our problems in the past; I just can't sit on the sidelines while I watch her ruin the great things in her life (relationships with her true friends, family relationship, or even hurt herself). I've probably prayed more in the past 6 hours than I have in the past week. Hope someone or something gives her the strength to get through this road block. If someone reading this could say a prayer for her, that would be great.
>>>Music will always be a way for me to channel my emotions. Here's a song that's been getting me through today; I hope it does wonders for you like it has for me.
"One Day Too Late" ~Skillet
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNEC735juI4
-GP
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Emotional Hangover
Jeremiah 29:11 - "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
Now that the dust has settled and I have calmed down a good bit, it's time to be mature about this situation....
The fact is, the last couple of days have been pretty rough for me.. I miss having her around, and although, I know what she did was wrong, I'm still starting to regret some things I did while in the 'titless relationship.' Like my worrying.
She did some things that made me relate back to an old ex of mine that treated me like dirt and eventually cheated on me. Like she lied to me sometimes about the smallest things... like she'd tell me one day she told her mom something and the next day when I asked about it, her mom had never heard it. My thought process on that is, "Ok, if she's gonna lie about something THAT insignificant, what else is she gonna lie about?" Also, she completely changed personalities once I met her. When I got introduced to her, she acted like she was this party girl who wanted to have fun (she had a boyfriend at the time), but once we started hanging out, she was someone different. So I have to ask myself which one is really her?
Honestly, this whole 'no title' thing just scared the mess out of me too. I talked to another Hoover girl named Jackie a while back, and she didn't want the title either but still wanted to hangout. So we gave it a try.. A month and a half later I find out she's talking to two other guys from Spain Park, and when I confront her about it, she says "Well we aren't technically dating."
...The fact is, though, ALL of the above were most likely things that I over-analyzed. Simple situations that my mind took and twisted them. It got to the point where it ended up chasing someone I really cared about away.
I'm not a 'friggy-diggy' kind of dude, no matter how hard I want and try to be. I am probably the most analytical person you will ever meet in your life, and frankly, that's been my achilles's heel so far in school, sports, and now relationships. I promised her I would change before she broke it off, but I need to keep that promise. Except now I need to keep it for myself. No body wants someone around that over-analyzes everything, so it's time to just let go of my life and give all the control to God.
-GP
Now that the dust has settled and I have calmed down a good bit, it's time to be mature about this situation....
The fact is, the last couple of days have been pretty rough for me.. I miss having her around, and although, I know what she did was wrong, I'm still starting to regret some things I did while in the 'titless relationship.' Like my worrying.
She did some things that made me relate back to an old ex of mine that treated me like dirt and eventually cheated on me. Like she lied to me sometimes about the smallest things... like she'd tell me one day she told her mom something and the next day when I asked about it, her mom had never heard it. My thought process on that is, "Ok, if she's gonna lie about something THAT insignificant, what else is she gonna lie about?" Also, she completely changed personalities once I met her. When I got introduced to her, she acted like she was this party girl who wanted to have fun (she had a boyfriend at the time), but once we started hanging out, she was someone different. So I have to ask myself which one is really her?
Honestly, this whole 'no title' thing just scared the mess out of me too. I talked to another Hoover girl named Jackie a while back, and she didn't want the title either but still wanted to hangout. So we gave it a try.. A month and a half later I find out she's talking to two other guys from Spain Park, and when I confront her about it, she says "Well we aren't technically dating."
...The fact is, though, ALL of the above were most likely things that I over-analyzed. Simple situations that my mind took and twisted them. It got to the point where it ended up chasing someone I really cared about away.
I'm not a 'friggy-diggy' kind of dude, no matter how hard I want and try to be. I am probably the most analytical person you will ever meet in your life, and frankly, that's been my achilles's heel so far in school, sports, and now relationships. I promised her I would change before she broke it off, but I need to keep that promise. Except now I need to keep it for myself. No body wants someone around that over-analyzes everything, so it's time to just let go of my life and give all the control to God.
-GP
Monday, January 2, 2012
Everything Happens for a Reason
Thomas Fuller - "The day gets darkest just before dawn."
2012 has already brought some new changes to my life...
The girl I'm talking to decided it was best to break it off with me. I can't say I wasn't expecting it to happen, but was hoping there would be some way around it.
It all started a couple of days before Christmas. We had gone to her place like always to exchange gifts, but something didn't seem right..... we did everything we normally did, but it seemed like after a while she just didn't want me there anymore. So the next days follow.... even though her mom says I should come visit, she tells me that her parents won't let her have people over; she just so happens to develope a sickness that won't allow her to see people even though I know she's hanging out with her friends; and new years she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. All while she's telling me she misses me and really wants to hangout.....
I can't control the way people feel about me. I realize that. But what I will NOT take is people being dishonest and lying to me. So it doesn't necessarily bother me that she decided to end it, but that she handled the situation like a coward. There is no excuse for that. It became apparent she wanted to party and hangout with her friends so in a sense I already knew it was coming anyway.
Of course i still have feelings for her. She is an AWESOME woman, and I had a great time getting to know her and her family. But this has happened before, and if it ends the same way it did last time, I need to think twice before pursuing her again.
-GP
2012 has already brought some new changes to my life...
The girl I'm talking to decided it was best to break it off with me. I can't say I wasn't expecting it to happen, but was hoping there would be some way around it.
It all started a couple of days before Christmas. We had gone to her place like always to exchange gifts, but something didn't seem right..... we did everything we normally did, but it seemed like after a while she just didn't want me there anymore. So the next days follow.... even though her mom says I should come visit, she tells me that her parents won't let her have people over; she just so happens to develope a sickness that won't allow her to see people even though I know she's hanging out with her friends; and new years she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. All while she's telling me she misses me and really wants to hangout.....
I can't control the way people feel about me. I realize that. But what I will NOT take is people being dishonest and lying to me. So it doesn't necessarily bother me that she decided to end it, but that she handled the situation like a coward. There is no excuse for that. It became apparent she wanted to party and hangout with her friends so in a sense I already knew it was coming anyway.
Of course i still have feelings for her. She is an AWESOME woman, and I had a great time getting to know her and her family. But this has happened before, and if it ends the same way it did last time, I need to think twice before pursuing her again.
-GP
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