Dazed and Confused

Jeremiah 29:11 - “I have a plan for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”


Life can be very confusing and stressful at times. 


November 2010:
My girlfriend of 7 months and I broke up....the fire was gone and we both were not that interested in continuing in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. The night we broke up, I was actually going to Auburn to visit some friends and my sister, so it wasnt too hard to get over it. At a frat party, however, the girl of I've ALWAYS had feelings for walks in...after that, I had no feelings for my ex anymore. That's how everything started...


December 2010:
Slowly, but surely, a fire ignites between me and the girl I've always liked. We start talking/texting daily, and my days go from bleak and old to bright and new...which was something I had been longing for. Of course, talking leads to seeing each other and hanging out, so over Chirstmas break, she came over to watch Toy Story 3. I feel like I have never been on a date before in my life- my hands are shaking, I'm sweating from being nervous, I studder because I don't want to say anything wrong, I'm even nervous about putting my arm around her....it's like I'm 12! I had a fantastic time watching the movie, but more importantly talking to her and enjoying her prescence. She makes me happy in every way possible, and her face and smile calm me more than any song ever could. Almost immediately, after she gets home, we discuss the next time we want to hang out, and we make plans for my next visit to Auburn.


January - February 2011: 
We hang out a couple of more times and become closer and closer...but she breaks the news that after her previous relationship of three years (that just ended), she says she isn't ready for a relationship. That brought me down, but I like her and respect her feelings....so just friends wouldn't hurt. Maybe persistance will pay off in the future.


March 2011:
After more times of seeing each other, we discuss our feelings for each other, and I am EXSTATIC (spelling?) to hear that she has some of the same feelings for me that I do for her. I am committed 100% to her now. But with the situation comes a lot of insecurity :(.........I am afraid of getting played, and she is afraid of getting hurt again. To me, since I have been chasing her for a majority of my teenage life, all of this seems too good to be true. I am fully committed, but if something questionale pops-up, I pounce on it to try to figure out what's going on. And in return, the mild fighting that breaks out leads her to believe that I am just going to hurt her like her ex did. By the end of March, I can feel her backing away.




We are now on a break from talking.


Although I KNOW it's not all my fault...I feel like shooting myself 53 times in the leg for letting something so amazing slip away. My heart is filled with anger sometimes because I feel like I am her puppet (but I often over think EVERY situation), but my heart is also filled with regret because I know what an amazing girl she is (but maybe I dont know whats best for me). I come to the realization that I will always have feelings for her.


Lord please show me Your plan for me in this situation. I am doing my best to make things work, but with all the uncertainty, I need Your help. I know I love her and care for her, but if all of this is not in Your will for me, then I will do my absolute best to move on from it....as hard as that may be. I know it is ambitious for me to ask for an answer on what I should do. Just please help show me the right path I need to follow. I trust in Your word and will follow.


"I still wish you the best of luck baby
And don't go thinking this was a waste of time
I couldn't forget you if I tried
You killed what was left of the good in me
I'm tired so let me be broken
Look down at the mess that's in front of me
No other words may be spoken
And I've got nobody else to blame though I tried
Kept all of my past mistakes down inside
I'll live with regret for my whole life" ~A Day to Remember
-GP